You Make Me Brave

"I stand before You now

The greatness of Your renown
I have heard of the majesty and wonder of You
King of Heaven in humility, I bow

As Your love
In wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us 
You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You've made a way 
For all to enter in

I have heard You call my name
I have heard the song of love that You sing
So, I will let You draw me beyond the shore
Into Your grace, Your grace

As Your love
In wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us 
You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You've made a way 
For all to enter in

You make me brave
You make me brave
You called me beyond the shore
Into the waves

You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now 
The love that made a way

You make me brave
You make me brave
You called me beyond the shore
Into the waves

You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now 
The promises You've made"

As I sit on the roof, God is painting the most beautiful sunset of my life, and this song plays in the background.  An orange hue fills the sky as pinks and purples color the undersides of the clouds.  Eventually, these pinks and purples give way to deep crimson painted clouds against a black backdrop as the last hint of light fades on the horizon.  A picture cannot even acurrately describe this moment.  God is displaying all of His Glory, and He is putting it on display for me!  If your love language can be sunsets, that is mine.  God speaks wonders through them to my soul.  These are the moments that I feel His love the most tangibly.  It's just me and Him and the picture He paints before me in those last moments before the night sets in.  It's like He's saying, "I know the darkness is setting in, but I just want you to remember my brillance right before it does."  Sunrises don't do the same thing for my heart,  I'm not 100% sure why.  Maybe it's because I have to wake up early to see one, or maybe it's because I know the sun will be there all day even if I do happen to make it out of bed in time.  To me, the colors are more brilliant as the sun makes its exit every night, leaving us with the promise of its return in the morning.

It's in these moments, that the busyness of the city and the sea of lights that emits from it becomes the backdrop for which God speaks.  It's in these moments that I hear Him calling me, beckoning me forward, confirming in the depths of my soul that this is it, this is what He has called me to.  The people of this country that I fell in love with; the children who so desperately just need to feel love, maybe for the first time in their lives.  This country that has stolen my heart.  This country that I don't want to have to leave because it has become home to me.  I never thought I would feel at home in a foreign land, but it's true.  Sure I miss my family, I miss my friends, and I really miss driving haha, but as far as everything else goes, it's all just stuff I left behind, stuff that I don't miss at all.

One thing I don't miss at all is the daily stress of life back in the States.  Stress takes on a whole new meaning when you step into the world of missions.  Sure, things can be really REALLY stressful on the field, but when you see someone struggling and working all day long, past when the sun goes down, just to bring some food home to feed their family THAT day, and then when you turn and look to the other side of the street and you see someone dodge oncoming traffic just to pick up an extra coin that someone tossed on the ground at them as they drove away you realize some things...  It's all about perspective.  I have realized that the majority of the stress that is in my life is brought on directly by me.  My circumstances don't control my stress level (most of the time).  My own inability to not be able to put things into perspective when I'm rushing around at the last second, is what leads to my stress induced states of hopelessness.

For years, I have known missions was my heart, but I always said it and never acted on it.  The truth is I've been afraid, terrified honestly to have to do it by myself.  Everytime, someone asked me about missions I would smile and say, "yes one day I will go, it's my long term goal," but inside I threw a little two year old fit with myself and God.  It's not fair God, why should I have to do it alone?  I don't want to be strong, I don't want to be brave, I don't want to have to figure it all out by myself.  I want someone to stand beside me, and have US figure this crazy new journey out together.  In the words of Aiden one night as I was putting them to bed, "I'm tired of being brave.."  My thoughts exactly Aiden.  But there are some things I learned this summer.  One of them being that God does equip us to do what He has called us to do, we just need to be willing to take that step of faith and He meets us there.  I have found that that very first step is often the hardest one for me.  It's the unknown that I don't do well with.  Haha unfortunately for me, life is full of the unknown and I'm pretty sure God laughs and shakes His head at me when I constantly try to figure everything out for myself.

Another thing that I've learned is that He really is for me and not against me.  Even though I might be walking into this next stage of life by myself, I will not be totally doing it alone.  Yes, I know God will be with me, but in addition to that, I have made friends along the way that are here to encourage and support me along the way.  I have made missionary friends, and I have made friends that are nationals here in Ecuador.  God is meeting my needs, maybe not in the way I originally begged and pleaded, but He has allowed lots of great men and women of God to come alongside of me in this process, and speak life to me.  I come home tomorrow and I hate the fact that I have to leave this behind for a season while I prepare back home, but again it's in God's timing, not mine, and there are things that need to be done first.

So it's time for me to be obedient and step out into the Great Unknown.  I know I may fail along the way, but the truth is God is big enough to pick me back up and get me headed back in the right direction.  Being in His will is refreshing and freeing.  Yes, there are still things I have to deal with on a daily basis, and dangers and uncertainty that I face, but overall, I have felt more loved and more free from stress than ever before.  I can say, fairly certainly, that it's because I finally stopped trying to have control over everything I could in my life, and let God lead as I followed along being obedient.  My prayer is that I won't ever forget these things, and that I will continue to be obedient as I walk forward.  Thank you for taking this journey with me and thank you for praying continually this summer.  This was only the beginning and I can't wait for the next chapter!

Sucua

Well our trip to the jungle has come and gone!  Internet was not great at all so I am now finally getting to post again.  I will try to recap to the best of my ability!

Leaving Guayaquil was very hard.  I didn't think it would be as hard as it was, but I made new friends and I loved working with the team, and I saw how great the need was in and around that city.  The people I got to work with were just awesome and it was the first time I think I have worked with people from 3 different nations doing a single program! We had the team from the US, a Peruvian Masters Commission and then a group of Ecuadorians from the local church, and it was just really neat to see us all come together and work toward one common goal!  Needless to say, I didn't want to say goodbye.

The drive to Sucua was long, so we broke it up into two parts and stayed the night in Riobamba again.  The drive was once again beautiful and I could feel God winning my heart over to this country.  This country I have come to love, this country that already feels like home to me.  Just when I feel like it's too tough or it's not what I wanted ideally in my head, God paints these pictures for me and reminds me of His love.....

And not just of His love for me, but of His love for the people I see as we drive through each town.  The people who don't know His love yet, the people who have never been told.

Last week, I wrote about a little girl, Gladys, in Guayaquil.  She is one of those precious faces that will never escape my mind.  She had so much pain to be so young.  All she wanted was someone to show her that she mattered, that she was loved.  That's why she didn't let go of me for 15 minutes. Let me tell you though, that 15 minutes changed me forever.  Someone got a pic and I didn't realize it so allow me to give you a brief snapshot of that moment...

This is why I'm here.  This is why we are called.  There is so much pain in the world, but there is hope.  And if we have that hope how selfish do we have to be to keep that hope from others?  We are His hands and feet, and if a little kid needs to know that they are loved by the One who created everything and thought of them from the very start, then of course I'm gonna hold them for however long they need and speak truth to them as I do it.

Guayaquil wrecked me, in a good way, as you can probably tell, but on to Sucua.  Like I said the ride was beautiful (see above pictures).  Sucua is a tiny town in the Jungle and the first thing I noticed was that all of their taxis were trucks... Hmmm that was a new sight.  I figured it was due to the fact that they had to drive out into the villages and needed four wheel drive to do it, but my suspicions wouldn't be confirmed until later on in the trip.  The climate wasn't as terrible as I thought it would be.  It was cool at night and there was a nice breeze most of the time during the day.  I mean it got hot but at least there was a breeze or afternoon shower to cool it down a little!

Unfortunately, the first few days I was sick as a dog!  What I thought was a sinus infection turned out to be the flu, and I spent a whole day on my bed not able to move in my little tiny cell block of a hotel room, with no air conditioning... It was rough! Lol this is a pic of me laying in my bed, and literally the door is at the end of my bed and I had a little window that didn't open... Haha gotta love it!  Luckily I had a portable fan!!

The lady who owned the hotel was SUPER sweet though! Her daughter is a doctor I think, well anyway, she went out with PA who was sick with the same thing and she got us some flu medicine (that I'm pretty sure would be illegal in the States) and within 24 hours I was up and moving again and taking part in programs.  I mean I was tired and taking it easier than normal, but I was feeling 100% better than the pitiful shape I was in only a day before.  Thank you to those of you who were praying for me!

The kids were once again precious, and I got to hang out with the little littles while we were doing VBS.  Obviously, I love them all! 

We even got a special treat when a rainbow appeared during one of the programs...

I think we ministered to over 700 kids this past week over a three day VBS program.  The last day (Friday) we went out into the jungle into a village where they were preparing a meal for us after we did a little kids program for them.  The trip out there was a hoot.  The buses could only go so far and then we had a bunch of those aforementioned taxi trucks bring us in the rest of the way...

Except, when we got to this one bridge, they made us all get out and walk across, as then the trucks drove over and we could continue on...

When we got to the village we played with the kids and then did a little program for them, and then they invited us in to their church and had a little presentation for us.  They did some dances and then fed us a typical meal.  They also have this drink they pass around the circle called chicha (I'm not sure on the spelling of that but it's pronounced chee-cha).  This drink is special to them and it is seen as disrespectful if you don't take of it as it passes by you.  The way they make this drink is by going out into the jungle and digging up this root, and then mashing it up and turning it into a liquid.  The way they mash it up is the kicker.... The little old ladies in the tribe sit around and break off a piece of this root and chew it up in their mouths and then spit it out into a bowl when it is nice a ground up. Then they let it sit for however long so it can ferment.... 😳 Yep, that's the truth. Fermeted chewed up root spit.... Mmmmmm delicious... Lets just say it was an experience!

Ohh yeah, no silverware either... No problema we used our fingers!  Haha the missions life, gotta love it!  All in all, it was a good experience and I'm glad I was there.  I wasn't as sad to leave Sucua as I was Guayaquil, but I definitely made some memories!  Now for a few days of relaxation!! 😊