Enough

So when i started this blog, I wanted to take you along on the entire journey with me, but I have been hesitant to include the good, the bad and the ugly, because I mean this isn't  a work of fiction, it's my life.  In order to stay true to my original intent and to maybe encourage someone else that they are not alone, here goes my most vulnerable post to date...  

Enough.  That is something that I have been struggling with the last few weeks, months, years.  It comes and goes from time to time.  Some times are worse than others though.  It doesn't mean I love Jesus any less, it just means that I'm still seeking to understand Him better.  Questions have been running through my head, and even though these same questions have run through my head before, recently they have been creeping back in. Things like Am I brave enough? Am I smart enough? Is giving up my own dreams of the future enough? Is the impact I’m making enough? Am I enough? Is the call enough for me? But the one question that I really need to answer is the one that can cover all the other questions: Is God really enough for me?

I have answered all of these questions before and I always end up with the same truth that God is enough, and that He has to be enough, otherwise this is not worth it.  The problem is that it takes effort on my part to keep my heart in this truth.  It is easy for my heart to long for certain things and maybe even feel betrayed when my prayers seem to be falling on deaf ears.  The danger is when we allow our love for God to be determined by what we think God should be doing for us.  You see the thing is, He already did it all for us, at the cross.

As I have been wrestling with these same questions and trying to keep my heart focused on truth, God reminded me of this time last year when I was trying to quickly raise a large amount of money for my two year missionary term to Ecuador.  I had been told that if I couldn't raise the full amount before March, they were going to have to shorten my term and cut some things out that I was originally planning on doing to help further the ministry.  I was probably the most discouraged I have ever been.  I was questioning everything.  I literally didn’t feel like I could go through with this.  I was so mad and hurt because I was finally ready to go and give it all, but yet people did not seem to be jumping on board with me by the boatloads like my disillusions had expected. People who had shared my dreams with me from the start, and had spurred me on, were suddenly disappearing to the background. If it weren't for the group of people who did jump on, I wouldn't even have had the option of going at all (I have never been more grateful for a group of people in my whole life). At the end of the day though, it seemed like I was grasping left and right for anyone else to catch the vision with me.  If the call was so great, why was God not meeting me there?

I remember crying out to God one night, basically throwing myself a little pity party because things weren’t going the way I had expected or planned with my analytical mind… So I began crying out these same questions and more, “Am I good enough? Am I brave enough? Am I wise enough? Am I strong enough to do this alone? AM I ENOUGH GOD?”  And when I was done, I was fully expecting the soothing voice to return “of course you are, you are my precious daughter. I created you and you are enough.” Instead, as I finished crying out “Am I enough God?” The almost audible, but still small voice resounded through my heart saying, “I AM.”  

Let that sink in...He is. Those two simple words shut me up pretty quickly.  I had been focusing on myself and my abilities, and what I was physically capable of.  The thing is, He never once called me to go in my own strength.  I, myself, am not enough, and never will be enough.  If I try to measure up to anyone else, I will fail miserably, but God is enough.  He is more than enough, and it’s because of Him living in me that I can do all things that He has called me to.

Whether He has called you to be a mom, a teacher, a businessman, a pastor, a small business owner, a missionary, or an employee in a cooperation that needs Jesus, whatever it may be, HE is enough for you.  And if He is living in you and you are following Him, then you can rest assured that you are enough and that you have purpose. Whatever the call He placed on your life may be, remember this truth.  You can search the world looking for purpose, and you may find some temporary purpose for your life, but He is the only One who calls you and gives you that enduring purpose.

I was flipping back through my journal and found this entry I wrote a few months ago about the call that He placed on my life:

“The call is not glamorous. The call is not convenient. The call is not some bragging right for everyone to see what you are doing for the Lord. The call is giving it all, even the little things. The call is lonely. The call is crying yourself to sleep at night sometimes. The call is missing big moments in your family's lives. The call is daily giving of yourself and pouring it all out so others may have the chance to know the love of Jesus. The call is tough. It takes grit. It takes daily moments on your knees with the Lord. And sometimes He doesn't answer. Sometimes He lets you walk through it as He walks silently and patiently beside you.

The call is all of these things, but it is also what keeps me going. Without the call, I would have thrown in the towel already and packed my bags to move back. The call is what keeps me going when I feel like I can't anymore. The call gives me purpose. The call gives me perspective. God has called me in the here and now to reach the lost and hurting people of Ecuador who do not know Him. Jesus literally gave his life so ALL of us could have a relationship directly with God. I can certainly give my life (and all that it entails) so that others may know. Vida por Vida! Life for life! It's worth it, even when it seems like it's not.”

So am I enough? Yes I am, but it’s not because of my own strength or abilities, it’s only because of God in me that I am enough.  The bigger question is do I believe God is enough for me? I know God wants good things for me (because He is a good Father), but if my prayers never go answered, if my dreams never come to pass, if I have to deal with an affliction until my days on earth are over, or if everything is taken away from me, would I still be able to stand and say that God is enough?  My head says yes absolutely, but in this moment, my heart is still working on it…  Luckily, even in our weakness and doubt, God is still right there, patiently waiting for us and cheering us on.

Where did June (and most of July) go?

Sorry this update is LONG overdue! We are in the midst of team season and it has been BUSY to say the least.  We had the Oregon Vision Team back in June, which was a great experience for all involved.  It was awesome to be able to share our hearts for Ecuador and the need that still exists throughout all of Latin America to reach the unreached.  I learned more about the culture here in my first two weeks on the field because of this team, than I would have otherwise.  The people of Latin America are spiritually hungry and seeking answers in all the wrong places.  The culture as a whole is turning back to their indigenous roots and practices, and has become inundated with Shamanism and a blended form of Catholicism with indigenous traditions (Syncretism).  There is a lot of worship of the Sun and other elements of the earth.  It saddens my heart to see that the people here simply don’t know and have never known the love of Jesus.

After that team, we had about a little over a week until the next team arrived, so we went into full on planning and preparation mode.  This side of it is way busier than I ever knew coming as part of a team. Making sure we have everything in place for the team from hotel reservations, to transportation, to water, to food, to decorations prepared for the VBS, to a first aid kit prepared, to you name it and we have it ready.  One of the things I’ve learned most in this culture is that you may have 10 things on your to do list for the day, but if you accomplish at least two of them, you can count it as a success! It just takes way longer to do the little things, and there isn’t a Wal-Mart to run out to where you can get it all at once.  It’s a lot of running around, but it’s all worth it once the team gets here and you see what God is doing in and through them!

Our first 3 days with the team were spent doing a VBS for a local church in the next town over from where we live.  We did a superhero themed VBS (with Jesus being our ultimate superhero) and went out into the streets everyday beforehand to invite kids to come.  Many many kids came to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior during this time; praise the Lord!  There were about 100 kids present each day (more on the last day), and we had some teenagers too who would come. So we would do a separate break out session for them with a couple of the team members and some of the Master’s Commission students from here in Ecuador, who were helping us out.  It was awesome for me to meet some Master’s Commission students here! It was also neat to see how Master’s Commission here is both similar and different from Master’s Commission in the States.  If you are in Master’s here in Latin America, it means you feel called to missions specifically and you are being trained to take the Gospel into all the world. Students are actually assigned various countries where they will go and serve during their three years in Master’s Commission. It’s so cool that they get hands on experience in different places!

While we were doing the three days of VBS, we were also spiritually preparing ourselves to go into another city that would be much harder called Pedro Vicente Maldonado in the secondary jungle region.  This city has been more closed off to the Gospel, and the people have been complacent, letting Satan have his rule over them.  One of the things Ashley (my mentor missionary) challenged the team about on day one was that we could either make peace with the enemy or wage war against him.  If we made peace, he would let us think we won and lie dormant for a time, but if we were to choose to wage war, he would try attacking us from whatever angle he could.  The team as a whole decided to wage war, and the first three days we dug in and prayed and prepared ourselves for what was to come.

I kid you not, as soon as we wrapped up VBS on day 3 and started packing up the bus to head to Pedro Vicente Maldonado, team members started falling ill.  About half the team was throwing up their insides as we made our way on a bus through winding mountain roads towards the jungle.  On top of that, the bus driver told us that literally the day before the team arrived, his air conditioning went out.  He was quoted that it would be $10,000 to fix, so he couldn’t do it beforehand. So imagine yourself on a bus full of sick people with no air conditioning as you move from the mountainous region to the humid jungle region.  Let’s just say that that trip was not fun for anyone.  Spiritual warfare is real, and in this situation Satan brought physical circumstances against us in every way possible before we headed into that city that he had a hold of.

The team pushed through though and within 24 hours almost everyone was back to normal.  They had decided to wage war and they weren’t going to run and hide now that Satan had made himself known.  The team members rallied as we did street outreaches in parks and went door to door handing out tracts and telling people about Jesus.  It was an awesome time of ministry and many more gathered around then we expected to.  God was moving and while children were coming to know Christ through the programs, their parents were watching in the background.  Each program we did, there were a handful of adults that came to know Jesus as their Savior, and the church members that we were working with were able to go out into the crowds to get follow up information and invite them to the local church plant there that we were partnering with.  It was humbling to see that because of our obedience to go and to wage war against the enemy, God was able to move in the lives of people where previously they had been so closed off to anything dealing with Him.

It was awesome to see lives changed! Not only was God moving among the people in those communities we went to, but He was also moving in the lives of the team members.  We debriefed on our last day together and the stories that were told from the team of God moving in their own lives were so touching.  We were all in tears and remembering all the good things God had done, and is going to continue to do!  A few students and leaders were even called into missions and ministry while they were on this trip! That makes my heart so full because it was on a trip, much like this one, that God called me into missions, and I am so honored that I got to be a part of that in someone else’s life!

After the team left, we took a day to celebrate the Fourth of July here as a missionary family, and then it was right back to work prepping for the next team that arrives early tomorrow morning.  We are near Riobamba, and helping with a church plant that has been started in a little town called Guano.  I’m so excited to see what the Lord does in and through this next team!  More updates to come, but it probably won’t be until after this team leaves.  Thank you all for your continued support and prayers as I am settling in to my time here in Ecuador.  Pray for the team’s health and safety as we minister with this next team, but most importantly pray that lives would be changed and that the people of Guano would come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ!

Here is a pic of a sunrise during rooftop prayer with the last team:

**Unfortunately, I do not have great internet access here, so it took me forever to upload one picture.  I will have to upload more pics later to this post, or you can go check out my facebook page and see all the pics I posted while we were there!

From the field...

    Welcome back to the journey! I am finally back in Ecuador and so excited to see what God has in store this time around! I arrived just in time to start gearing up for full on summer team mode... which means prep prep prep and go go go.  It's always A LOT of work, but it is ALWAYS so worth it! We are currently prepping for the first team that will be coming down.  We have the amazing opportunity to host a group of pastors and leaders from the states that will be coming for a vision trip.  Basically, we have a chance to share the NEED in Latin America.  God is orchestrating a mighty move throughout Latin America, and the people are ready and searching for TRUTH.  The harvest is ready, but is being overlooked.  So what an awesome opportunity this will be to give these leaders a taste of the culture and allow them to see how the Lord is moving here and calling others to jump on board.

     In preparation for this vision team, we have traveled around Quito trying to immerse ourselves in the culture even more and to understand the backgrounds and beliefs of the majority of the population.  One place we went to visit was the Temple of the sun god.  What an experience, and we learned a lot!  Ecuadorian ancestors have close ties with the Navajo and Apache people of the Americas.  They very much looked to the earth as a source of health, energy and healing.  They believed that god appointed the sun, moon and earth as celestial beings that had the power to heal and restore.  These beliefs are coming back more and more in present day, along with a strong influence of shamanism, as people are wanting to get back to their "roots" and be more earth conscience.

     Here are some pictures from the temple of the sun god... We just happened to be there as the clouds rolled in over the mountains that afternoon, which just added to the ominous atmosphere!

Outside View:

Inside View...

The "Healing Room"...

Looking up in the center of the temple..

     Please, please be praying for the people of Ecuador and Latin America who are searching for God in all the wrong places.  We don't clean our spirit through the elements.  Our hearts and minds are made pure when we allow Him into our hearts, and give Him reign in our lives.

     The temple also happens to be on the equator! So here is a picture of my feet in both hemispheres at once!

     This week we are prepping for that team and I will be getting ready to move into my apartment here! I will get the keys on Thursday :) Praying that I can find lots of good deals on furniture!

One last thing, everyone meet Zippy....

     Zippy was given to me by someone who is very near and dear to my heart, so I have decided to take him along for the adventure! Be on the look out for him to show up in random pictures throughout this year.  He will be like a little "easter egg" for you guys to be looking for while I'm in Ecuador!

     Keep those prayers coming! Love to you all!   ~Kati

What's your why?

As I stepped off the bus, the cold mist clung to my skin. I pulled the hood of my red sweatshirt up to try to shield my face from the drizzle that had persisted all morning. I kept my head down and watched my feet as I maneuvered around several puddles that had formed outside the little concrete building that housed the local daycare. I knew the children in this specific town of Ecuador didn't have much, and most of them were sent here during the day because their parents simply couldn't afford to care for them on their own. At least they were guaranteed a hot meal and some kind of attention while they were here during the day. Because of that, I didn't want to drag any mud in with me on my shoes. I wanted to respect the care and attention they gave to their little safe haven.

As I walked through the doorway, I lowered my hood and the smell of feces, mud and uncleaned bodies assaulted my senses. My stomach heaved and I held back the bile that was forming in my throat. I offered up a silent prayer for strength, and a sound stomach, and continued on down the hallway. It was then that I noticed that my wet shoes weren't slipping like I had anticipated upon entering the building. I looked down and realized that all of the floors were made of packed down dirt that some of the children were sweeping in a room off to the side. The dirt was so compressed that the floor was smooth and solid, making it easier to sweep than I first expected. Across the way was another room that housed a small kitchen set up. The main features of the room were a large iron pot sitting over a wood burning stove, a barrel of water, and a little old lady who was stirring whatever the noonday meal would be.

As I walked further down the hall, the back of the building opened up into one big room that had been sectioned off into two different areas.  The two sides were separated by a curtain that had been strung from one side to the other. The area in front of me was a big open area with just a few chairs placed haphazardly around the room. This is where I assumed we would be doing our VBS program for the kids. As I explored further and peered around the curtain, I saw rows of tables and chairs where children were patiently waiting. Some looked up curiously as I looked in, and others seemed content to just be sitting and waiting. I couldn't believe how quiet they all were; back home it would have broken out into mass chaos by now.

Each child had on a yellow smock and a blue apron tied around their waste, their school uniform of sorts. Most of their faces were smudged with dirt here or there, and a sadness seemed to hang over the room. That's when I heard some buzzing and noticed that flies were circling the children. The shock of it hit me hard and the only thing I could do was pray for God's grace and love to overflow from within me so I could pour it out on these kids. I was at a loss for words, but I knew this was a time to be fully present and not withdraw like everything within me was screaming to do.

I scanned the room and soon a little girl caught my eye. She had a look of despair about her, and I could sense that God wanted me to dote His love upon her. I walked up to her and asked, in my broken Spanish, what her name was and how old she was. She told me that her name was Emily and that she was three. With arms raised, she gave me the universal look that meant she wanted me to pick her up. As I looked into her sad eyes, there was no way I was going to refuse her this simple act. So I hoisted her into my arms and wrapped her in an embrace. I told her how happy I was to be there and that we were going to have a lot of fun today. She smiled a little, and I moved her around to the side of my hip so we could make our way to the program area.

Once the program started, she refused to leave my side. I tried to set her down so we could take a seat with the other children, but she quickly scrambled back, clutching my leg until I picked her back up again. The only thing left to do was to give in and sit down myself with her on my lap. I got the feeling that she wasn't held very much, and she needed it dearly, so I let her cling as I offered up prayers that she would feel loved and experience the love of Jesus. Every once in a while little Emily would offer up a smile to something that the rest of the group was laughing hysterically at, but for the majority of the program she sat silent. Towards the end, she eventually joined in with clapping during a song, and I counted that as a great victory, clapping along right with her!

By the end of the program the smell no longer bothered me, it was like the smell had never existed. It was time for us to go, and everything within me wanted to stay.  I picked Emily up and held her tight. This was the last few moments I would ever get to spend with her.  I wanted to make sure she knew how loved she was, and how special she was in God's eyes.  I leaned over and made it a point to emphasize "Jesus te ama," which in English means Jesus loves you.  As I finished saying those precious words, Emily turned and looked up at me.  I could see the sadness creeping back into her eyes.  The same sadness took root that had been there earlier that morning as she shook her head and flatly sad, "no."

My heart shattered into a million pieces.  A deep ache burst forth from the inner recesses of my soul. No? How could she believe without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus did not love her? I held her tight and reassured her that He did, very much so.  Tears began to pool in the corners of my eyes, and I prayed with an intensity like never before that she would experience His love in the most tangible way.  Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  How many other children in the entire world did not know about God's love?  How many people lived every day never knowing that God's love was right there for the taking? And most importantly, why had no one ever told them?!  My heart was aching, my preconceived notions were being crushed, and my privileged childhood was being smashed right before my eyes.  In that moment, I knew that something had to be done.  They needed to know, everyone needed to know, and the one thing I knew for certain, was that God was calling me to be a vessel that could be used by Him to reach the nations.

~

That's my why.  When this journey seems too hard, or it seems like I'm never going to get there, I think of little Emily, and all the other Emily's out there who have never heard.  It pushes me on, and keeps me moving forward.  There are so many people in the world who need to know they are loved by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  They need to know that they are a precious son or daughter of the Most High. They need to know that His love is right there for the taking, the only thing they need to do is receive it.

That's my driving force.  That's why I am headed to Ecuador, but I can't get there on my own, I need your help!  I would be so honored if you would prayerfully consider joining the team of people that are reaching the universities of Ecuador.  No donation is too small!  A commitment of $10/month adds up greatly! (That's like one fast food meal out, or two coffee's from Starbuck's).  If 170 people commit to giving just $10/month I could leave and be there! Will you consider being one (or more) of those 170?

Little Emily sitting on my lap (2008).

What a privilege it is that we are able to be His hands and feet to a lost and dying world. If you would like to give, you can visit my page at s1.ag.org/kmontague, and click on "Give Now" to set up a recurring gift or give a one time donation.   If you have further questions or want to chat more about what I will be doing, feel free to contact me!  I truly look forward to partnering with you as we reach out to the lost and hurting in Ecuador!

So All Can Hear,

Kati

Making the Impossible, Possible...

It's official!  For those of you that don't know I'm headed to Ecuador as a Missionary Associate to work alongside the Penleys and help with the national ministry RUE (Reaching the Universities of Ecuador) for 2 years!  It's really happening, and if everything goes as I'm praying that it will, I will be making my final preparations to head off to language school in about 70 days (give or take)!  Hence the 70/70 campaign!  I have 70 days to raise the remaining 70% of my budget in order to leave in time for the next trimester of language school.  When I first realized that, I was a little overwhelmed, but then I read a Facebook post I made 3 years ago to the day, and I realized God is in the business of making impossible things possible.  Here is the post...

Little did I know 3 years ago, that I would be standing here today about to embark on the biggest journey of my life so far, and fulfilling one of the biggest promises He gave me many years ago.  I've learned that if we put our hope in Him, He is faithful to fulfill His promises (Heb. 10:23)! This next 2 and a half months is going to be a crazy and wild ride, but I have such a peace that I'm where God wants me to be.

So what will I be doing exactly? Once I get on the ground in Ecuador, I will be helping with the ins and outs that come along with running a national ministry.  RUE is the first ministry of its kind in Ecuador to specifically reach out to the college generation right on their own campuses.  We will be training, and discipling students to reach out to the lost and hurting on their campuses and within their own communities.  My role will be to facilitate the leadership development aspect of these campus groups, and to assist with short term teams coming to work alongside of us. In short, I will be very busy, but I'm so excited to see what God has in store!

Even though, I'm ready to be there now, I can't make this endeavor happen on my own. That's where all of you come in!  Some of you may never be able to set foot in Ecuador, or even any other foreign land to spread the Gospel, but you can be a part of the team of people that will be impacting generations throughout Ecuador.  If you have not already, I would love for you to consider how God may be calling you personally to partner with me through prayer and finances. So far, I have raised about 30% of my overall budget, and I need to be 100% funded before I am allowed to leave for the field.  This task seems great, but with the help of God and a community of people surrounding me, nothing is too big.  I would be honored if you would consider joining my team!

The easiest way to partner with me is to visit my website at s1.ag.org/kmontague and click on the link "Give Now." If you would like to be a part of my prayer team please contact me and let me know, and I will add you to my group! I have been meeting and talking with people about this great opportunity that God has placed before me. If you are interested in learning more, or just want to sit down and chat about what God is doing already through RUE, feel free to contact me, and I would be more than happy to meet up with you at your convenience.  I look forward to partnering with each of you as we Reach the Universities of Ecuador!

My Contact Info:

kmontague01@gmail.com

cell: (919) 539-7738

** Just as a note of encouragement, if 200 people commit to giving just $10 a month, my monthly commitment goal would be met fully, so no matter how big or small, it all adds up and helps immensely!

You Make Me Brave

"I stand before You now

The greatness of Your renown
I have heard of the majesty and wonder of You
King of Heaven in humility, I bow

As Your love
In wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us 
You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You've made a way 
For all to enter in

I have heard You call my name
I have heard the song of love that You sing
So, I will let You draw me beyond the shore
Into Your grace, Your grace

As Your love
In wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us 
You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You've made a way 
For all to enter in

You make me brave
You make me brave
You called me beyond the shore
Into the waves

You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now 
The love that made a way

You make me brave
You make me brave
You called me beyond the shore
Into the waves

You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now 
The promises You've made"

As I sit on the roof, God is painting the most beautiful sunset of my life, and this song plays in the background.  An orange hue fills the sky as pinks and purples color the undersides of the clouds.  Eventually, these pinks and purples give way to deep crimson painted clouds against a black backdrop as the last hint of light fades on the horizon.  A picture cannot even acurrately describe this moment.  God is displaying all of His Glory, and He is putting it on display for me!  If your love language can be sunsets, that is mine.  God speaks wonders through them to my soul.  These are the moments that I feel His love the most tangibly.  It's just me and Him and the picture He paints before me in those last moments before the night sets in.  It's like He's saying, "I know the darkness is setting in, but I just want you to remember my brillance right before it does."  Sunrises don't do the same thing for my heart,  I'm not 100% sure why.  Maybe it's because I have to wake up early to see one, or maybe it's because I know the sun will be there all day even if I do happen to make it out of bed in time.  To me, the colors are more brilliant as the sun makes its exit every night, leaving us with the promise of its return in the morning.

It's in these moments, that the busyness of the city and the sea of lights that emits from it becomes the backdrop for which God speaks.  It's in these moments that I hear Him calling me, beckoning me forward, confirming in the depths of my soul that this is it, this is what He has called me to.  The people of this country that I fell in love with; the children who so desperately just need to feel love, maybe for the first time in their lives.  This country that has stolen my heart.  This country that I don't want to have to leave because it has become home to me.  I never thought I would feel at home in a foreign land, but it's true.  Sure I miss my family, I miss my friends, and I really miss driving haha, but as far as everything else goes, it's all just stuff I left behind, stuff that I don't miss at all.

One thing I don't miss at all is the daily stress of life back in the States.  Stress takes on a whole new meaning when you step into the world of missions.  Sure, things can be really REALLY stressful on the field, but when you see someone struggling and working all day long, past when the sun goes down, just to bring some food home to feed their family THAT day, and then when you turn and look to the other side of the street and you see someone dodge oncoming traffic just to pick up an extra coin that someone tossed on the ground at them as they drove away you realize some things...  It's all about perspective.  I have realized that the majority of the stress that is in my life is brought on directly by me.  My circumstances don't control my stress level (most of the time).  My own inability to not be able to put things into perspective when I'm rushing around at the last second, is what leads to my stress induced states of hopelessness.

For years, I have known missions was my heart, but I always said it and never acted on it.  The truth is I've been afraid, terrified honestly to have to do it by myself.  Everytime, someone asked me about missions I would smile and say, "yes one day I will go, it's my long term goal," but inside I threw a little two year old fit with myself and God.  It's not fair God, why should I have to do it alone?  I don't want to be strong, I don't want to be brave, I don't want to have to figure it all out by myself.  I want someone to stand beside me, and have US figure this crazy new journey out together.  In the words of Aiden one night as I was putting them to bed, "I'm tired of being brave.."  My thoughts exactly Aiden.  But there are some things I learned this summer.  One of them being that God does equip us to do what He has called us to do, we just need to be willing to take that step of faith and He meets us there.  I have found that that very first step is often the hardest one for me.  It's the unknown that I don't do well with.  Haha unfortunately for me, life is full of the unknown and I'm pretty sure God laughs and shakes His head at me when I constantly try to figure everything out for myself.

Another thing that I've learned is that He really is for me and not against me.  Even though I might be walking into this next stage of life by myself, I will not be totally doing it alone.  Yes, I know God will be with me, but in addition to that, I have made friends along the way that are here to encourage and support me along the way.  I have made missionary friends, and I have made friends that are nationals here in Ecuador.  God is meeting my needs, maybe not in the way I originally begged and pleaded, but He has allowed lots of great men and women of God to come alongside of me in this process, and speak life to me.  I come home tomorrow and I hate the fact that I have to leave this behind for a season while I prepare back home, but again it's in God's timing, not mine, and there are things that need to be done first.

So it's time for me to be obedient and step out into the Great Unknown.  I know I may fail along the way, but the truth is God is big enough to pick me back up and get me headed back in the right direction.  Being in His will is refreshing and freeing.  Yes, there are still things I have to deal with on a daily basis, and dangers and uncertainty that I face, but overall, I have felt more loved and more free from stress than ever before.  I can say, fairly certainly, that it's because I finally stopped trying to have control over everything I could in my life, and let God lead as I followed along being obedient.  My prayer is that I won't ever forget these things, and that I will continue to be obedient as I walk forward.  Thank you for taking this journey with me and thank you for praying continually this summer.  This was only the beginning and I can't wait for the next chapter!