As I walked through the doorway, I lowered my hood and the smell of feces, mud and uncleaned bodies assaulted my senses. My stomach heaved and I held back the bile that was forming in my throat. I offered up a silent prayer for strength, and a sound stomach, and continued on down the hallway. It was then that I noticed that my wet shoes weren't slipping like I had anticipated upon entering the building. I looked down and realized that all of the floors were made of packed down dirt that some of the children were sweeping in a room off to the side. The dirt was so compressed that the floor was smooth and solid, making it easier to sweep than I first expected. Across the way was another room that housed a small kitchen set up. The main features of the room were a large iron pot sitting over a wood burning stove, a barrel of water, and a little old lady who was stirring whatever the noonday meal would be.
As I walked further down the hall, the back of the building opened up into one big room that had been sectioned off into two different areas. The two sides were separated by a curtain that had been strung from one side to the other. The area in front of me was a big open area with just a few chairs placed haphazardly around the room. This is where I assumed we would be doing our VBS program for the kids. As I explored further and peered around the curtain, I saw rows of tables and chairs where children were patiently waiting. Some looked up curiously as I looked in, and others seemed content to just be sitting and waiting. I couldn't believe how quiet they all were; back home it would have broken out into mass chaos by now.
Each child had on a yellow smock and a blue apron tied around their waste, their school uniform of sorts. Most of their faces were smudged with dirt here or there, and a sadness seemed to hang over the room. That's when I heard some buzzing and noticed that flies were circling the children. The shock of it hit me hard and the only thing I could do was pray for God's grace and love to overflow from within me so I could pour it out on these kids. I was at a loss for words, but I knew this was a time to be fully present and not withdraw like everything within me was screaming to do.
I scanned the room and soon a little girl caught my eye. She had a look of despair about her, and I could sense that God wanted me to dote His love upon her. I walked up to her and asked, in my broken Spanish, what her name was and how old she was. She told me that her name was Emily and that she was three. With arms raised, she gave me the universal look that meant she wanted me to pick her up. As I looked into her sad eyes, there was no way I was going to refuse her this simple act. So I hoisted her into my arms and wrapped her in an embrace. I told her how happy I was to be there and that we were going to have a lot of fun today. She smiled a little, and I moved her around to the side of my hip so we could make our way to the program area.
Once the program started, she refused to leave my side. I tried to set her down so we could take a seat with the other children, but she quickly scrambled back, clutching my leg until I picked her back up again. The only thing left to do was to give in and sit down myself with her on my lap. I got the feeling that she wasn't held very much, and she needed it dearly, so I let her cling as I offered up prayers that she would feel loved and experience the love of Jesus. Every once in a while little Emily would offer up a smile to something that the rest of the group was laughing hysterically at, but for the majority of the program she sat silent. Towards the end, she eventually joined in with clapping during a song, and I counted that as a great victory, clapping along right with her!
By the end of the program the smell no longer bothered me, it was like the smell had never existed. It was time for us to go, and everything within me wanted to stay. I picked Emily up and held her tight. This was the last few moments I would ever get to spend with her. I wanted to make sure she knew how loved she was, and how special she was in God's eyes. I leaned over and made it a point to emphasize "Jesus te ama," which in English means Jesus loves you. As I finished saying those precious words, Emily turned and looked up at me. I could see the sadness creeping back into her eyes. The same sadness took root that had been there earlier that morning as she shook her head and flatly sad, "no."
My heart shattered into a million pieces. A deep ache burst forth from the inner recesses of my soul. No? How could she believe without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus did not love her? I held her tight and reassured her that He did, very much so. Tears began to pool in the corners of my eyes, and I prayed with an intensity like never before that she would experience His love in the most tangible way. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. How many other children in the entire world did not know about God's love? How many people lived every day never knowing that God's love was right there for the taking? And most importantly, why had no one ever told them?! My heart was aching, my preconceived notions were being crushed, and my privileged childhood was being smashed right before my eyes. In that moment, I knew that something had to be done. They needed to know, everyone needed to know, and the one thing I knew for certain, was that God was calling me to be a vessel that could be used by Him to reach the nations.
~
That's my driving force. That's why I am headed to Ecuador, but I can't get there on my own, I need your help! I would be so honored if you would prayerfully consider joining the team of people that are reaching the universities of Ecuador. No donation is too small! A commitment of $10/month adds up greatly! (That's like one fast food meal out, or two coffee's from Starbuck's). If 170 people commit to giving just $10/month I could leave and be there! Will you consider being one (or more) of those 170?
Little Emily sitting on my lap (2008).
So All Can Hear,
Kati
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